It’s the scariest thing in the world, when you first look at the bundle of arms and legs that they hand you. Is everything okay? Is everything where it should be and is it working?
As I lay paralyzed from the chest down, I counted my breaths till I heard her cry. The tears rolled down when that sweet voice hit my ears. Her quieting down when placed over my heart, let me know we would always be connected. That she, with those tiny hands and feet is mine to love.
There is something magical about giving birth. Sure, they were the most painful 9 months and subsequent actual event but then those few seconds when you know this person is here are what you look forward to and look back on most fondly. That moment when your husband smiles at you. That precious smile that your first born shares with you when he sees his sibling. Those happy moment are miracles personified.
Even though, it will actually be weeks before it actually registers that I have another child, let alone a daughter, I know in these few moments life has changed completely. It’s another person who is totally my responsibility.
Recently someone had asked me if I could write a letter to my younger self, what would I write? My eyes wander over her imagining her living a full life, a small me in her. If I could write a letter to her, would I warn her about the dangers or would I share the joys of milestones or would I let her discover everything that life has to offer all on her own ? Of course it will eventually be a little of everything in the hopes that she lives that imperfect life perfectly. Making even the wrong choices for the right reasons and having the best of intentions in all she does. Loving those she cares about completely, making sure they know it. Cherishing the little things, like rain and mementos. Finding her own way, in her own time with wisdom she absorbs through her formative years.
As she nuzzles into my arms, eyes closed looking for comfort and nourishment, I whisper “I wish for you a flawed life that shines with kindness, laughter and happy tears. A life that makes you proud. Always know that you are beautiful, special and loved. “
