A Love Letter To My Kids – 10 Lessons About Love

How do I describe love to you? It is like trying to explain  the color red someone who has never seen it. You can only experience it yourself. As you grow I will see you fall in love and go through heart breaks. And my heart will swell and fall right along with your every smile and tear.

Love is the most beautiful emotion. It is simultaneously confusing and painful. While I wish for you a happy love, I hope to teach you that true love is more about giving, understanding and growing together. That a person who really loves you makes you feel special and supports your every dream.

Love doesn’t have to be full of drama. It doesn’t have to be unnecessarily complicated because there are few things are are vital for a wonderful relationship to prosper. I cannot save you from heart ache but there are lessons I hope I can pass on to you to distinguish love from like or momentary passion.

You Don’t Have A Soulmate

That’s a myth. Thanks to movies. You don’t have just one. Like the many choices in life that shape it differently, you will meet different people who might lead you down different paths. There is no magical formula to finding the person whose right for you. There is some truth in meeting a lot of frogs before meeting a prince.

Candid Conversation is Key

Find someone you can talk to endlessly. Saying what you feel and being heard are the foundation on which your relationship and the many moments that follow will stand. Laughing together and having those inside jokes is what carries you through years together.

Opposites Attract Temporarily

If you have nothing in common, you will have nothing to talk about. Refer above. Sure, being differently brought up you will have different likes and dislikes. Those help each of go on adventures you never imagined. But some common interests ensure that you will have things to do together when you grow older together. If you don’t have any, you can always start a new one together.

Core Values Matter

Tastes are different from you base values. These are the ingredients that you are essentially made of. Like you cannot mix coffee with salt, it’s hard for two people who do not agree on the core issues to truly spend a life time together. When you have a dream that they don’t understand or have a quality they don’t cherish or have children, all of those core values matter!  You may ignore them in the beginning of the relationship but eventually they will create havoc.

Don’t Make Excuses

People often excuse or forgive grave mistakes made by the people they “love”. The thought behind it is that you are lucky to be loved at all. But respect, appreciation, family & healthy arguments are the walls that hold that love together.  Making excuses for someone who does not have the maturity to hold up these walls only leaves you holding them up yourself.

Acceptance Takes Hard Work

Like with everything in life, you have to pick your battles. Not every argument is worth winning. Not every flaw deserves it’s own battle. Your partner is not going to be perfect. You aren’t either. Never be with someone thinking you will magically change them. People change with circumstances, not because their partner tells them to.  If you love them, accept them as is. In this day of instant gratification, we often forget love is hard work. It is something you are going to have to work on every single day.

To make it easier, find something that you love the most about your togetherness. Keep it close as a token to remind you of all that’s good on the bad days.

Make Your Own Romance

So many people crib about their spouse not being romantic or celebratory. They seem to wait for someone to validate their day.  If you feel your partner is not the kind to do something elaborate, make the effort and do something simple. Make the day special yourself. Don’t do something for social media or boast about. Do it because it makes the two of you happy. No one can hand you happiness on a platter. It is up to you to create the happy moments. Make the reservation, cook the meal, plan a surprise or just light some candles. Being happy automatically multiplies for those around you.

Forever Love is Icky 

Love is not just holding hands and candle light dinners. That is of course nice and a great start but eventually love gets icky. Love is being there for someone when they have the stomach bug and you are making porridge for them. Love is being there when she is bawling her eyes out or over reacting because of hormones. Appreciate anyone who sees you at your worst and loves you more.

Playing Games is Foolish

Be direct. If you have a question, ask it. If you like someone, say it. Thinking of something sweet to do, do it. You can hold up a facade only so long, so be yourself.  Being honest with the people you care about ensures that if the feelings are not mutual, you can move on. When you assume things and hope for that call or for them to pick up hints you are setting yourself for disappointment.

Kids Test Love

Nothing tests your bond like having kids. Marrying someone is easy. What is not is easy romancing or being in love when you have had less than 5 hours of sleep in 2 days. Or you are covered in puke. When you have to figure out which one of you is going to be the next one to clean up pee soaked bed sheets or all of the above.

You bicker, tears flow as both of you wonder why the other one cannot do the simplest task. Be aware that the other one is just tired. Give them their space and benefit of doubt. Understanding the situation of another is important.

The surest sign of  true love is someone who makes you a better you. And the secret to keeping the love alive is to always always appreciate all the little things. They eventually add up to a big romance.

Till you find your forever love remember, that your family and I adore you. More than yesterday. More tomorrow than today !!