Mother proposes, Child disposes ( Picky Eating )

I saw this article – * Why many American kids eat while Indian kids are picky eaters. ” doing the rounds on FB. She has described the difference in her roles in feeding the two kids and how one is so different than the other and what she has done differently with the second one that has helped. I applaud the lady for sharing her experience and even wholly agree with her methodology as to feeding her second child but the title offended me. More so the comments below the article of which many insinuate that a mother or even child is solely responsible for the same.  That is an unfair burden to place on either one.

Firstly I truly believe that each child is different. No matter what you may think about nature vs nurture, it is a combination of the two that defines a child. Thus, I don’t think it is a matter of kids of one culture over the other. I have seen American kids who are picky eaters and Indian kids who eat well. To be fair I believe she meant American vs Indian parenting techniques but that too is too simplistic. No kind of parenting is better than another. And I have seen/heard of children who are perfectly good eaters who over time, get into these phases of not eating or getting overly picky for a variety of reasons.

I have had a similar experience as a mother, where son at 4 years eats off of the fixed menu in his mind and my daughter at 9 months will eat everything put before her. But then both my kids, though seeming to be twins are as different as chalk and cheese. My husband scoffs when I complain that our daughter tries to devour every choking hazard in sight while our son never had that issue. Pat comes the reply, ” Well ! He never even put much food in his mouth either !! “

Over time my reasoning came to be as follows. For whatever reason my son used to stay awake all night while my daughter though still doesn’t sleep through the night, essentially goes to bed at 7 pm.  Being awake most of the day she is more curious as to what goes in her family’s mouth while my son used to be sleeping during most of meals. There is no such option now. I have to take my son to classes and school and cater to his whims and needs while making sure my daughter is nurtured and entertained. Consequently, I am more liberal with the choices I make with her meals.

Which brings me to the fact that both my kids, though in the same household, birthed from the same mother are being brought up differently. Sure I ran around behind, scolded and pampered my son much more but I was also more cautious. Being a first time mom I was also naive. I won’t say I didn’t make essential mistakes. But I also subsequently tried every trick in the book on him but NOTHING!! They say the second kid is always more resilient.  That may be more about of necessity as they essentially experience a different parent and life than their elder sibling.

Things I do/did with my girl when introducing solids  –

• I gave her one bottle of formula a night.
• I spaced her bottle/breast milk feeds to three – five hours with snacks and meals in between.
• I started solids for her at 6 months and though I started with rice cereals, I quickly moved onto home made apple sauce, carrots, beans, spinach etc.
• Once that was mastered I literally became a scientist experimenting with all possible variations of food, making sure I ALWAYS mixed in grains of some sort.
• I let her try everything from our plates, not fearing of how her tummy/ skin might react ( She has eczema). If there is any, even mild reaction of course I stop.
• As soon as she seemed hungrier, I moved her onto more solid foods even though she doesn’t yet have teeth. And she loves it.
• She has a tentative schedule and we stick by it for the main meals . There are 2 main meals, 2 snack times and 1 semi meal time which falls usually after lunch while we eat.
• I let her lead the way instead of trying to feed her.
• I try a new food often. No food is a no no.
• She sits with us at meal time even though I feed her before we eat. That is her experimenting time, when she eats everything by herself, mess not withstanding.
• As with all things this is an experimental mode and we take nothing for granted .
• If she doesn’t eat I don’t fret.  If she says no to something I try the same food again and often.
• I don’t feel guilty over Any choice I make. Eating store bought food is okay too.

I don’t know if all this is right or wrong. But it’s happily worked out this way and I hope she remains to be a good eater. I’m still working on her brother and if/when that gets better I will post more about his progress.

A nutritionist friend of mine shared that eating healthy and versatile foods during pregnancy  is a the easiest way to ensure a child develops a versatile taste. While I agree wholeheartedly, I do believe by my own experience, that too somewhere rooted on the child. I was so nauseous with my first born that most foods were inedible. I couldn’t even stand the sight of chicken in advertisements. I knew even then that he was a picky boy.  While with my daughter I had many other issues but I could eat almost everything.

I guess  what I’m trying to say is one can only shape the clay that you have in hand . Not that one shouldn’t try to give it the best shape you can saying that it can’t be done ! As with everything in life, don’t expect everything to go perfectly. You don’t have to get Everything right to know you are a good mom. As with God, the child does have the final say in all that a mother proposes. As long as all you do is with love, it’s enough.

Besides, even the doctors say as long as the child is healthy, happy, and and having regular bowel movements thanks to a relatively balanced diet, it’s all good !