A void exists in the space that is my life. Over much pondering I realized that I no more have someone in whom I can confide in totally and trust. I miss having someone whom I can rely on being there when I pick up the phone and dial.
Before marriage, I had a couple of such friends. They knew everything about me, never judging, never reprimanding or praising even. They just listened and talked. Not at me, with me.
It’s so hard to find such people once you are married, surrounded with the routines of life. It’s hard enough finding friends with whom you and your husband and baby gel well with. Trusting someone with your innermost thoughts is next to impossible. You cannot and do not want to talk about the dark moments: on the most you feel it’s just not “proper”. There’s so much fear associated with those thoughts escaping your lips and reaching the wrong ears.
The old friends are long gone. New friends are too new to share with all or any part of your life. Once in a while, you find a person whom you think you can trust but then distance or wrong timing comes in between and that intimacy too disappears.
Not that it matters much. I’ve realized that those moments are few and far between and this is where maturity comes in, where you just have to learn to keep things inside and handle them on your own. That’s how life progresses, I guess.
