He takes that step onto that big, yellow bus and it is bittersweet. My heart wells up with emotions. I fear for how he will manage by himself, am proud that he wants to and am happy to see him start a going to school. But above all I am anxious that this would be the very first day where he would be away from me all day.
He gets in and goes to the other side. I can’t see him and have no way to say bye to him. I wave crazily in the hopes that he is seeing me, maybe.
I come home and tell my husband that it’s funny now we will know he’s reached school and spent all day at school only after he comes back. It’s a matter of blind faith. Specially, with me being new to the school system, I don’t even know what he should expect from his day, so I haven’t prepped him at all.
Time slows down considerably, if that’s at all possible. I have spent only one other day away from him for so long but that time he was with his grandparents and at home. Today, he’s all by himself out there in the world, in an environment totally new to him
I get work done, cook, organize(I do that a lot when I’m restless), watch tv, play nonsensical games and dance with my daughter all the while thinking when the clock will strike 3 pm and I can rush to go find out how his day went. When his sister was to be born, the nurse said, ” It’s you parents who have a harder time being away from them. They enjoy themselves with other kids and doing new things. “
Still, he wasn’t well the night before. It took a lot of cajoling to get him ready and to have breakfast. He got excited once he saw all the kids at the bus stop but I worry. Did he eat his lunch? Did he play in the play ground? Did he get sicker or is he okay?
I write to pass the time. See the clock strike 2.50 pm and excitedly, rush to the bus stop. The bus is late. I laugh with the other mothers waiting with me but inwardly am wondering if he found his bus to come back okay.
The bus comes. He’s the second person to get off. I hold his hand tight. ” How did your day go? “
” Very good. At first I was shy but then I got really excited. ”
As I feed him lunch, I grill him. I know asking, what did you do all day will not get answered so I ask different questions one by one.
‘What did you do in the playground? ”
“I played little. I was tired so I sat. There is a big boys playground, we should not go there. “
“Did you meet any new friends? ”
“Only the boy next to me and two girls we played with. “
“Did you eat your lunch? ”
“Yes, but one grape fell down and I had to trash it. “
“What did your teacher say? ”
” She told us all things to do in school. “
“Did you have fun? ”
” Yes,’ He starts laughing.” Why are you so excited ? “
He sounds so big asking that, I smile realizing this is one of those moments I’m the one being childish while being a mother, ” I AM excited. “, I reply.” I missed you so much all day today. Did you miss me a little bit ? “
” I missed you. Not a little, a lot. But I know. You are always in my heart. ” he says, putting his hand on his chest with the most serious expression ever!
It is now that I tear up. My boy is really growing up.
The next day, he gets in and sits at the side of the bus from where he can see me and waves goodbye. I think we both are learning. Me to let go, he to hold on !